Today the sky fell in the Fasnacht home. Our adoption of "Hirite" has been permanently put on hold. She will be placed back in the "waiting child" status and will not be allowed to join our family. There are not words to explain how we are feeling in these moments following this blow. If I had to choose one it would be numb...I am very confused by this but have to rest in the peace that God knows the steps that are to come in her future.
Why you may ask...we became pregnant, what an amazing blessing, one that we had been told would not effect the outcome of our adoption. Though due to the timing of when the baby is due being so close to when Hirite would be joining our family WACAP has chosen to stop our adoption. I have to admit that I have gone through a full range of emotion from anger to frustration to pain to sadness. I am sure that God will be seen through this.
From the day that Hirite was referred to us I have prayed that God would bring her home in His timing. I HAVE to believe that a TON OF BEAUTY will come from THESE ASHES or I will not be able to move in a forward direction...Even if God needed us to be the face of Jesus to WACAP in how we are handling this news, the way we are able to show them how much we care for this little lady that we want to help advocate for a family for her...or that God used us to bring good friends of ours to their new son. These past months were not a waste.
WACAP has let us know that if Hirite is still waiting for a family next aug we can ask to be matched with her again...which we would...though HONESTLY we are praying that by then she is safe and sound in a wonderful christian family surrounded by love, joy, and peace. For some reason this little girl NEEDED the prayers of our friends and family!!! and I truly believe that her life would be different if we had not been matched with her over the past 4 months.
Now we can choose to move forward with the belief that God has a plan...either Truth needs another year in Ethiopia or there is another child that has a greater need to be part of the Fasnacht family. Or we can choose to become bitter and believe that this world is too full of sin for good to win over evil. We are choosing Truth...whether that comes in the form of a 10 year old named Hirite or in the face of another of Gods precious children.
I ask now, more then before, PLEASE PRAY! Pray that Hirite knows the love of Jesus, that she would have a family to call her own, that her medication would cleanse her body of HIV, that a Dr would find her and perform the ENT surgery that she needs, that she would know that she is loved...
I also ask the you pray for our new additions. The baby that I am carrying for health and strength...that the stress of loosing Hirite will not affect this little one in any way. Also for Graham, Everett, Israel, and Aurora...I don't know how I am going to tell them.
I have to say the loss of one child for the gift of another is something I pray NONE of your EVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH! If these two children were presented to me and I was asked to choose I could not! I would not!
Again I am choosing to stay strong in the fact that I am saying YES to God and He knows my heart, knows that whatever children He chooses for our family we will welcome with open arms! Maybe the path we set out on needed to split off because of a child who is yet to be born? Or maybe she is out there somewhere with a story such as Hirite's but we would fit her better. We want what is best for Hirite and what is God's will.
I am thankful that Ryan and I are allowing God to make our family and He knows what it best.
What is next? We wait...WACAP said that they believe that we will be amazing parents to a child from Ethiopia and if the timing were different would not be stopping this adoption in the first place. The placement worker has assured us that they will advocate for us as a family for either Hirite or another child after the new baby is 6 months old. So we wait, which I must say we have become VERY good at...we will wait in Gods peace and know that we do not need to understand this, we may in the future or we may never.
So just a thought...and heartstrings pulled? Anyone have an extra room and an open mind? I have an amazing little lady that is searching for a place to call home...is she meant for yours?