Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Peace in the panic...

Yesterday my world was shaken. My child who struggles with violence decided to hurt his little sister. This does not happen in our home, his violence is always directed towards an adult who is in charge. When I say "violence" I am not meaning pushing, hitting, kicking for the intention of  getting a toy back or "just being kids". I am talking about violence in a true form or planned out intentional acts to seriously harm another person with no provoking from the other party. The details of yesterday are not what is important here. I allowed this behavioral outburst to shake me to the point of not seeing what God was trying to show me. He was answering in a very concrete way a question that I have been asking over and over recently. I have been begging God to show me what I will do when my son is bigger then me. It took a phone call with a good friend this am who pointed out that God had answered, not just answered but shown me.

You see when God asked us to parent this child he was not just asking us to parent him he was equipping us to parent him. I do not know why I was blind to this and just now see. God has also given us two other fiercely protective boys. These two love their siblings and parents and it shows in their actions. They were so fast to jump to their sisters aide and alert me to the situation I could not have asked for anything better! I have always looked past what is right in front of other sons. They are here for so many reasons but one of those was to help me keep their brother safe from himself. They did not jump in and start hurting him they pulled him away and kept him safe from himself until I got there. They knew exactly what to do not to escalate the situation. They have lived in this world with me and have been learning right beside me and I did not see it. Something else we learned yesterday is that all the empowering teaching we have been doing with the little sister, due to her PTSD brought about by his violence, is that it has worked in a big way! She said that yes she was scared but she knew she could defend herself and she felt very protected by Jesus, her brothers and her mommy. She is developing into a fantastic girl.

Gods plans are so much bigger then we will ever see. My moment of panic has brought about a new peace. A peace only available from the one who made me. I am so thankful for my sons short comings that help form him into the man that God intends him to be. Possibly with out this childhood struggle with violence he would never be able to master the ability to calm those urges and he just needs years and years of practice.

Friends and family I challenge you, be thankful even for the ugly because some of the best clarity comes during a moment of panic.