Friday, January 8, 2016

Wonder and Waldorf...

A theme that seems to be forever etched into our ever growing family is a perfect picture of God taking something broken and creating something more beautiful then one could ever imagine. I look back on the broken pieces of my journey in this life and see nothing but the perfect placement of brokenness held strongly to the next piece of brokenness by God's never ending love. I see medical doctors saying one thing and then watching healing, I see families destroyed by adoption and then made new through adoption, I see the death of dreams laying foundation for bigger and better realities, I see Jesus in every single step that I have ever taken.

Today I am reflecting on a very specific piece of this mosaic we call life...Israel...Israel entered our family through the foster care system. His family did not choose us and would have obviously preferred he remain in their family (as would have we if the roles were reversed). His adoption story is full of ups and downs and proof that God can heal even the most strained relationships. I believe his biological family and us needed the rocky start to create the strong love that we have for each other now. The details of his adoption are his and his alone at this point, though that is just part of this piece. When Israel came to live with us we had just adopted Graham and Everett was in the process of moving back home with his mommy. We received a phone call and almost instantly picked up a precious baby boy. The unbelievable joy and incredible pain that surrounded that day will never be forgotten. When Israel was just 3 months old we were told that he would "never walk talk or function" that is the same day Jesus told me to call him by the name of Israel for he was to be a fighter. That is a part I reference often because of the crazy cool things we watched happen through Israel in the following years. The part that I often leave out is that also when Israel was 3 months old I became pregnant with Aurora. During that pregnancy I believe I gave more of myself to Israel then I ever had given to a child before. It was almost as if the child within me needed Israel near and as if Israel need to be near that child. We joked around that it was like they were twins just carried in separate bellies. Every night when I rocked Israel to sleep he rubbed my belly and Aurora would leap every time she heard his voice. I was shocked when she was not born on his birthday because it seemed that it would make sense ;). Aurora was born 4 days after Israel's first birthday and as I often say she felt instantly adopted. When I brought her home from the hospital Israel acted as if he has found something he had always been looking for. Whenever I would nurse Aurora Israel would cuddle in my lap and rub her back or stand at my side and stare at her in amazement. At this point in Israel's development he had totally shocked the Dr's and therapists and was developing more large motor skills then they ever thought possible he was running and jumping! Their concerns were that he did not seem to do things with purpose. Such as he would walk aimlessly though the room with no intent to do anything, he would hold a toy but not play with it, he would babble but only when we worked really hard with him. He was alive but was not living in a sense. When Aurora was born he became her shadow and we watched this once "lifeless" child start to develop a sense of purpose. As Aurora developed so did he! When she learned to sit and play he finally found value in sitting and playing. When she learned to crawl he would follow her around crawling, he was copying her but more then that he was seeming to experience things as she experienced them. Every night for the next year I rocked them both to sleep on my lap as I had Israel while I was pregnant. They shared a room because he could not stand to be away from "ro-ra". To anyone close to us watching their relationship develop was such a beautiful thing! Through Aurora's birth there was such awakening in Israel, that right there is enough to prove to me that Jesus has this whole thing covered! These two have been best friends, brother and sister, "twins" from before I knew I was pregnant. They continue to love and encourage each other in a much different way then the rest of my children. Aurora is still the "leader" and Israel is still the "protector". When Aurora started at the Waldorf school in September we all could visibly see the amazing impact this had on her! We were instantly in love! The flip side to that was we could also see the negative impact this had on Israel and Auroras way of lifting each other up. They both showed signs of unnecessary anxiety, they would both spend moments each day crying because the other was not close and they both expressed true concern that the other was not around. We can truly see that in this stage of life they both need each other in such a special way I cannot put the right words to it. I started to feel slightly panicked about how I would repair this. Every time I talked to Jesus about them I was reminded of the neat connection they have and how Jesus has always used one for the other. I was not seeing the whole picture, Aurora is the leader it is her role to "test out" this new path of schooling. When the timing was just right God reviled to us that Israel was to join Aurora at the Waldorf school and HIS timing could not be more perfect! In September I could not have seen a way to afford having two children in private school, because that way had not been created yet! I am excited to share that as of Monday the wonder of Waldorf will be fully shared by Aurora and Israel. The "twins" have been united and not in any timeline that I could have created or would have foreseen! I so wish I could just stop trying to control what I have placed securely in Gods hands.