I confess...

I confess, (this is a TOTAL VENT)

I LOVE being a MOM...I HATE feeling judged for the kind of mom I NEED to be. I would love have "typically developing children" who's biggest struggles were potty training and sleeping through the night. It is moments such as this that it is tough to see the joy in my "Extra Parenting". Today one of my therapy staff told me that some others on our team believe that I am "just looking for a babysitter"...honestly do they really believe that I would allow them to be at my house 20 plus hours a weeks if I did not NEED them to be? My choice would be to raise my children to love the Lord and NOT have to have so many therapies. That is where the "feeling judged" is coming in, "when it rains it pours", right. I am currently battling with the Donegal School District for Graham and Everett, taking on Everett's insurance company and wrap around services and facing the reality that one of my children has "traumatized" another of my children bad enough to give them the label of PTSD...

Do I sacrifice one for many or many for one? Every time I ask myself that question God makes it very clear that the one is WORTH IT! and God has the others...and I KNOW HE DOES, but you know when you just cannot feel it...I just want done with the trauma crap and the recurring trauma due to continuing behaviors that I HAVE TO FIGHT FOR SERVICES over ugh...

Tomorrow I have 3 hours of in home therapy from 9-12...then taking my "newly traumatised" child to therapy from 1:30-2:15 rushing home to take another one to an eval (that is necessary for those services that I fight for) from 3:30-4:30, coming home making dinner getting 4 kids settled and rushing out again to yet another therapy appointment from 7-8...I am not sharing this for pity or praise just transparency...

The teachers, principals, therapy staff, other parents, friends, family, co-workers, anyone that interacts with my family PLEASE understand that I am running a marathon that I did not have time to train for, I was thrown into the mix and forced to run or fail. At times there are sprints that leave me breathless and exhausted, such as this time. I am asking for understanding that my children's needs change on a daily basis. I am asking for forgiveness that I may fail sometimes with returning calls, texts, e-mails, school papers, smiles. I cannot be everything that everyone wants me to be...but I can be EVERYTHING that God has asked me to be!

So to end my rant...please know that if I can succeed at running this marathon YOU can succeed at ANYTHING that GOD asks you to do!! My attitude is not always JOY filled but my spirit is always renewed in Him!!!!

And Selah makes 4...

So Selah makes four...

four what? Not my fourth adoption, Not my fourth girl, Not my fourth child...My fourth child that will require, what we like to call, "extra parenting".

Yes I have been blessed with another child with special needs, and for that I am PRAISING JESUS!!!! This is an answer to so many of my prayers. Prayers for my boys not to feel "different" because they are adopted. Prayers that God would bless me with another baby. Most of all a answered prayer that others would not view my sons special needs as if they are due to being adopted!!!!! So here it is in Black and White...Selah Grace Stevens-Fasnacht, my fifth child, my second biological child, has some extra needs that are requiring therapy, making her my FOURTH child with special needs.

Jesus is so good to us! Honestly Aurora is the hardest child for me to raise because I need to think very differently when parenting her, Selah's needs make her my normal.

When my child has a need it is my responsibility to make sure that I address that need in the best way possible to give my child the best start to life. I truly believe that God gave me exactly the children that I was meant to parent, yes even on the BAD days! I feel blessed to have as many therapists in my children's lives as I do...they are such a wealth of knowledge. I am a better parent with their training and guidance.

"Extra parenting" comes with a list of requirements that I believe are a MUST for successful parenting.
1. Run after your Jesus...if you are not I cannot see how you will be a successful parent.
2. Check your pride at the door...caring what others think when you accept a "label" or therapy for your child will drive you crazy!
3. Surround yourself by other parents who "get it"...maybe they are living in the same world as you or maybe they just truly love you and your family.
4.LEARN to ACCEPT HELP!!! Your children can only be as successful as you are healthy...

Friends and family who have been, and are there for this Fasnacht Gang we are forever grateful! Words cannot express how blessed we feel...Thank you.

In conclusion I want to stress that my childrens needs do not define who they are...they are defined by their relationship with Jesus. My prayer for them is that they would live in truth and love like Jesus!!!!AMEN

Selah Grace..."Pause and reflect on God's Grace"