Before you pass judgment...

This post is for anyone who wishes to judge me...recently I have been flooded with opinions on my life and just wanted to make sure that those who are choosing to judge have a glimpse of what they are judging...

Yes I AM that mom who shows up to preschool late almost everyday, but did you know that I have been sitting in the parking lot trying to calm my screaming 4 year old for the past 20 mins?

Yes I AM that mom who left the full shopping cart at the store with a 4 year old over my shoulder while carrying an infant carseat and had 3 other children following along, but did you know my son has PTSD?

Yes I AM that mom who brings my own snacks for my children to school, church, and other outings, but did you know my children have allergies?

Yes I AM that mom who just screamed at the innocent looking little boy in the parking lot, but did you know he just spit in my face?

Yes I AM the mom who had an issue with my sons nails being painted in school, but did you know that we are trying to raise young men (not women)

Yes I AM the mom who is scared to death of my children making new friends, but did you know that one "wrong interaction" at a friends house can set off weeks of bad behavior at home?

Yes I AM the mom who has been "gone" 4 weeks this year, but did you know that I was in the hospital with a pulmonary embolism and then had to rush to Maine because of the passing of my best friend, my Mimi?

Yes I AM the mom who chose to have 5 kids, but did you know that all things are possible through Jesus?

Yes I AM the mom who is being judged, but do you realise that your judgment hurts?

Here are a list of SOME of the diagnoses that my children carry...RAD, PTSD, PDDnos, anxiety disorder, mood disorder...honestly the list goes on and on. We have a MT, TSS, BSC, outpatient therapy, IU13 involvement, MHMR casemanagment, ect. for the children.

I challenge anyone who was not walked a day in the life of special needs to google search the diagnoses that I listed...

Yes I AM the mom who said YES when God asked me to parent my children!

Yes I AM the mom who gets excited that my 4 year old learned some of his colors, but did you know that I was told he would never talk?

Yes I AM the mom who is super proud of my 6 year old learning to read, but did you know that I cannot show that to him or it makes him act out? (google RAD)

Yes I AM the mom who longs for a relationship with my child, but did you know he physically hurts me daily?

Yes I AM the mom who has WONDERFUL children with extraordinary challenges.

AND YES I AM THE MOM who would not trade this life for any other!!!!

Though my days are filled with struggles I know that God is using all of my children's challenges to make them the men and women they need to be.

So...how about the next time you would like to judge me, you pray for me instead!

This post is just meant to shed light on what life with children who require extra parenting looks like...I am not looking for pity, just trying for transparency...

Meeting Jesus...

So the kids and I met Jesus today (yes again! He is EVERYWHERE)...this time we were at the Mount Joy Diner to have breakfast...This morning I awoke late, we were needing to leave the house at 7:30 to get to a Dr's appointment to check on baby Selah, well I woke up at 7:26 :). I quickly got the kids up and dressed and we were on the road at 7:45. The kids were decent at the appointment considering that we had not taken the time to eat before we left in such a hurry. When the appointment was done I sat in the parking lot on hold with the children's pediatricians office trying to make an appointment for Aurora, this took over 30 minutes! When I finally finished the call I was feeling bad that the children had not eaten yet and started to consider eating out somewhere, which was a very tough thought to go and spend $ eating out! but I prayed about it and felt the time with the kids was worth the $. Well while praying I started to think about (or maybe Jesus put into my mind) the Mount Joy Diner... While walking in a man held the door open for us, very appreciated bc of having 4 little ones and one on the way :)...He chatted with the boys for a minute and commented on how well behaved the were being. Then when we were being seated that same man came over and said "if you cover your meal I will buy your children's meals" WHAT A BLESSING!!!! Can you believe that?? I didn't I was quite surprised that a total stranger was offering, not just offering insisting, that he pay for my children's food! All I could think was wow Jesus must value me! The kids were great during the meal and we enjoyed playing some games together, the weight of paying for their food was lifted from my shoulders and any guilt I had for eating out was gone.  Towards end of eating he came over again and put tip on the table, chatted with the kids again, and left. The waitress then came over to tell me that he decided to COVER THE WHOLE BILL!!!!!!! I may not know that mans name but I assure you that was Jesus!!!!

As I ponder on the many reasons why God lead us to Ethiopia just to land me pregnant I stumbled upon something soothing (FINALLY)...I believe that God has shown me a parallel between our daughter in Ethiopia and the story of Abraham in Genesis. In the Bible it tell us that Abraham was promised children...had a son...and then God said to sacrifice him. Ok so that story has always made me cringe bc I would want to know that I would obey God through it all but that is a tough request. Well God has shown it to me in a different light. Abraham was asked to climb the mountain, I was asked to travel to Ethiopia. Abraham was asked to sacrifice his son...I was asked to adopt an older child with HIV. God did not tell Abraham until the last possible minute not to sacrifice his son...Our adoption went SUPER FAST and we were at the final stage. God provided a ram for Abraham to sacrifice...God gave us baby Selah in place of Hirite. God did those things to Abraham to see how fearlessly he feared God...I now believe that God lead us to Ethiopia to see how much trust we are willing to place in Him to form our family. I truly believe that as Abraham was blessed for being obedient so will we. As we continue to grieve the loss of Hirite at least I have this to think on.

Crashing to a hault...

Written 8/15/11...

Today the sky fell in the Fasnacht home. Our adoption of "Hirite" has been permanently put on hold. She will be placed back in the "waiting child" status and will not be allowed to join our family. There are not words to explain how we are feeling in these moments following this blow. If I had to choose one it would be numb...I am very confused by this but have to rest in the peace that God knows the steps that are to come in her future.









Why you may ask...we became pregnant, what an amazing blessing, one that we had been told would not effect the outcome of our adoption. Though due to the timing of when the baby is due being so close to when Hirite would be joining our family WACAP has chosen to stop our adoption. I have to admit that I have gone through a full range of emotion from anger to frustration to pain to sadness. I am sure that God will be seen through this.









From the day that Hirite was referred to us I have prayed that God would bring her home in His timing. I HAVE to believe that a TON OF BEAUTY will come from THESE ASHES or I will not be able to move in a forward direction...Even if God needed us to be the face of Jesus to WACAP in how we are handling this news, the way we are able to show them how much we care for this little lady that we want to help advocate for a family for her...or that God used us to bring good friends of ours to their new son. These past months were not a waste.









WACAP has let us know that if Hirite is still waiting for a family next aug we can ask to be matched with her again...which we would...though HONESTLY we are praying that by then she is safe and sound in a wonderful christian family surrounded by love, joy, and peace. For some reason this little girl NEEDED the prayers of our friends and family!!! and I truly believe that her life would be different if we had not been matched with her over the past 4 months.









Now we can choose to move forward with the belief that God has a plan...either Truth needs another year in Ethiopia or there is another child that has a greater need to be part of the Fasnacht family. Or we can choose to become bitter and believe that this world is too full of sin for good to win over evil. We are choosing Truth...whether that comes in the form of a 10 year old named Hirite or in the face of another of Gods precious children.









I ask now, more then before, PLEASE PRAY! Pray that Hirite knows the love of Jesus, that she would have a family to call her own, that her medication would cleanse her body of HIV, that a Dr would find her and perform the ENT surgery that she needs, that she would know that she is loved...









I also ask the you pray for our new additions. The baby that I am carrying for health and strength...that the stress of loosing Hirite will not affect this little one in any way. Also for Graham, Everett, Israel, and Aurora...I don't know how I am going to tell them.









I have to say the loss of one child for the gift of another is something I pray NONE of your EVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH! If these two children were presented to me and I was asked to choose I could not! I would not!









Again I am choosing to stay strong in the fact that I am saying YES to God and He knows my heart, knows that whatever children He chooses for our family we will welcome with open arms! Maybe the path we set out on needed to split off because of a child who is yet to be born? Or maybe she is out there somewhere with a story such as Hirite's but we would fit her better. We want what is best for Hirite and what is God's will.









I am thankful that Ryan and I are allowing God to make our family and He knows what it best.









What is next? We wait...WACAP said that they believe that we will be amazing parents to a child from Ethiopia and if the timing were different would not be stopping this adoption in the first place. The placement worker has assured us that they will advocate for us as a family for either Hirite or another child after the new baby is 6 months old. So we wait, which I must say we have become VERY good at...we will wait in Gods peace and know that we do not need to understand this, we may in the future or we may never.









So just a thought...and heartstrings pulled? Anyone have an extra room and an open mind? I have an amazing little lady that is searching for a place to call home...is she meant for yours?

26...and counting :)

So while resting today it all of a sudden occurred to me that I AM 26!!! Wow where have my 20's gone? Most of my friends I have watched finish college, have nice cars, travel, "enjoy life"...I have spent my 20's at home. While pondering that thought I was amazed at all the things God has allowed me to experience so far in my 20's and I became every more excited about what is next to come!!!

My 20's started out with a bang when I married my high school sweetheart and began staying at home (watching 6 kids to make extra $$)...we very quickly said a big fat YES to God when He asked us to allow Him to use the spare bedroom in our home...At the age of 21 we were official foster parents and very soon after approval GRAHAM MOVED IN (total highlight :) and we began the process of learning what it meant to be "parents". Quickly we realised that Graham would require some "extra parenting" and required services for some delays. We believed that we were "super busy" with PT every other week!...At the age of 22 we had a precious daughter "Addie" for 4 short weeks and loved having a daughter! She returned home to her father and we hope that they are doing well! Having her leave left a huge hole that I begged God to fill (be careful what you ask for!!!!) God answered and EVERETT MOVED IN. We redefined what being a "parent" looked like and adding in things like "falling in love with your child's bio family", "getting to know more therapists", "signs and symptoms of drug and alcohol abuse"...things we had never thought about. With Everett came a more involved relationship in the "extra parenting" community when he not only required PT but OT as well. Nearing the end of year 22 we were shocked when ISRAEL MOVED IN!! two weeks before we said our goodbyes to Everett as he moved back with his mother. On to year 23, what a wondrous year!!! On my Birthday we re-took custody of Everett and began a long journey to his adoption. During this year we would learn that drugs and alcohol have more control than we could ever imagine as we watch Israels parents loose him and Everett's mother with her struggles. This is the year that I threw out all of my "what to expect" parenting books...and FULLY EMBRACED the idea that my children not only needed "extra parenting" but that they truly did have "special needs", little Israel was the cement in my relationship with the therapeutic community...and speciality doctors as well. We explored PT, OT, ST, MT, BSC's, and others :). This is the year that we knocked the socks off my OBGYN with a positive pregnancy test and AURORA WAS BORN INto our family!!! Year 24 is a whirlwind of final visits, breastfeeding, staying up all night (with Everett), and trying to get a grasp on my children's needs...WHILE GOD SCREAMED AT ME TO JUST LET GO :)...why is it that I was soooo trusting in God to build my family but was not trusting in Him to guide my steps to becoming their parent? Year 25 started out with EVERETT"S ADOPTION!!! That summer there was the baby who was conceived and then lost. Early fall was ISRAEL"S ADOPTION!!! and I finally gave up trying to parent and allowed God to fully take over. It is because of Him that Israel is all but cured of his Autism...and because of Him that I allowed Everett to be placed on medicine...and because of Him that my children are more successful now then they ever where under just my control!!! This is also the year that God asked us to "Go get our daughter from Africa" WE SAID YES and began the process. Nearing the end of age 25 WE RECEIVED THE CALL!!!! We have a daughter in Ethiopia!!!!!!

Wow at 26 I was thinking that I hadn't accomplished much...lol...I think my children are an amazing accomplishment and if all I have to show at they end of my life is the proof that I said YES to my God...that is good enough for me!!!!

What is God asking of you?? How exciting to say YES and see where He is leading!! "Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest" Ecclesiastes 11:4

My Mother's Day Prayer...

My Mother's Day prayer...

As I sit here in front of my computer I have some bold words that I wish to say. I have a fierce and unyielding passion to completely and totally change the world as we know it. I find it unacceptable that we as Christians can still sit in our comfy homes, drive our new cars, eat our filling meals, and buy our children the next new thing...WHEN THERE ARE CHILDREN WHO NEED US!!!!!! So here it goes...

Lord I come before you know as a humble woman, I am constantly amazed by all the good you do and all the beauty that you are always showing me. I come to you today to ask that you would make the undying passion you have given me contagious to anyone who may come in contact with my family. I pray that you plow through their walls and excuses...and use them to care for your children! I know, as I say often, that you do not call everyone to adopt a child as you have called me...though I know that you ask all of us to let you use us! I pray that everyone that I know is open to your voice and are willing to scream YES, YES Lord I am ready and willing, use me. Lord I know that through you all things are possible and I am asking for something that my "human side" has a hard time believing. Please Lord change the hearts of those around me, I pray that they can learn to follow you closely and be willing to give it ALL for the Glory of you...Give up some of the material things, the food, the comforts so that we can help others. Please Lord let me share my fire and help it BURN I ask that you rid the world of orphans and challenge your people to be the difference that this world so desperately needs. I thank you for all the blessing I have been able to see. The changed hearts, some of my close friends and family being your hands and feet. Those are amazing things to witness and I ask that I get to see more. All my love belongs to you to use where you see fit...Amen!!!

Friends on a daily basis I am saddened by your selfishness. Though I may never say it I pray for you often that your hearts may be changed and that you would forget the worldly things that tempt you so. I feel hurt for you when I see you hurting and I wish you could understand why I hurt for the children that Jesus love so much. I really am wishing my pain upon you because I believe that God has burdened me with the responsibility of caring for His children. Please wont some of my close friends and family stand beside me and help as well??

Think about it this way...if your child were lost somewhere and you came to me crying don't you think that I would do EVERYTHING possible to help you find your child and insure that they were safe? The orphans of this world are God's children and he is hurting for them...He has asked us to help Him find them and insure their safety, and too many of us say "no", or "I need to think of my family", or "I only want _ kids", what are you saying in response to God's asking us to care for the widows and the orphans (James 1:27)????

I challenge everyone who reads this to really look at what God has allowed you to have, the things, the money, even your children. Are you using Gods money in a way that gives Him joy? If he has blessed you with a large house are you filling it to the max with whoever He asks you to? What about your gifts are you using them as God has asked? Please ask yourself "why did God give me these things, resources, abilities" and then move forward with doing God's work.
PLEASE DON'T ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE BLINDED BY YOUR OWN FRONT DOOR!!!!!

God has blessed me by sharing His heart with me. I am confident that God will share this same passion with anyone willing to be lead!!!!

Love to all and Happy Mother's Day!!!

HIV Educations...

Taken from www.projecthopeful.com What you need to know: `HIV is considered a chronic but manageable disease with proper treatment.`Children who receive treatment are expected to live a normal lifespan. `HIV has never been transmitted in normal family living conditions. `You NEVER have to fear contracting HIV through casual contact with an HIV+ person. `HIV is spread in three main ways: sexual contact, IV drug use through the sharing of dirty needles, mother to infant (pregnancy, birth or breast feeding.) `All around the world orphans are overlooked for adoption because of their HIV+ status. `Medications called ARVs can mean the difference between life and death. `The combination of three or more ARVs is called HAART. (Highly Active Anti-Retroviral Therapy) `With medications HIV can be effectively managed to the point that the virus is undetectable in laboratory tests. `There is a term for the miraculous transformation HIV+ people undergo when they begin receiving the medications they need. The Lazarus Effect is a term commonly used to describe people who were once on the brink of death who have been restored again to health through medication. Questions?? Ask away!!!!